Eccentrics

It is darn near impossible to be southern without being somewhat eccentric, and in some cases, completely eccentric. Down South, we tend to refer to eccentric people as being "colorful." We are downright proud of our local characters. They aren't objects of our scorn, for deep down, we know we have some peculiarities too. Some individuals are just more peculiar than others.

Take my late neighbor, Mr. B. He would often don nothing but his underwear when he set out to mow his front lawn. Mr. B. did this in broad daylight. No one complained or reported him to the police. As hot as the South gets in the summer, such behavior was more practical than odd.

My father has been known to sit in a lawn chair in the front yard after dark. This in itself doesn't sound that strange. However, he was clad in his pajamas and was holding a shotgun in his hands. One might wonder what he was doing. The answer is simple. He was hoping to put a few armadillos out of their misery. Armadillos are notorious for digging up the lawn.

Then there was a substitute teacher that I had in elementary school. She was an older lady with white hair that resembled cotton balls. This teacher wore a scarf around her neck. She used the scarf to pick her nose. Seems she was fond of doing this right before lunch time. Maybe she was just hungry. That behavior helped students to lose weight because it effectively squelched their appetite. Maybe the diet industry could learn a few lessons from her.

When I was in junior high school, I had a headmaster who openly scratched his privates in front of the students. That behavior went beyond being eccentric. It was just plain crude. My sister used to joke that she was going to give him some Cruex for Christmas. Needless to say, he only lasted a few years at the school.

Readers if this blog might ask the question if I think that I am eccentric. The answer is an unqualified "yes." Rather than reveal some of my eccentricities, let me assure everyone that I do not pick my nose, scratch myself, or burp the national anthem in public. I also do not perch on my rooftop at night in an attempt to spot UFO's. On second thought, maybe that last idea isn't such a bad one after all.